Giving birth

After many years of wishing, waiting and wanting, I am now the proud mother of a beautiful little boy. I cannot begin to describe the emotions I feel. He is the most precious thing that I have ever laid my eyes on and I am in complete awe of him and the fact that I grew him.

On the lead up to his birth DH and I prepared as much as we possibly could. To compliment my pregnancy yoga I also practised hypnobirthing. At first this sounds somewhat hippyish, but it is actually all about positive thinking, relaxation exercises and developing a belief and trust in your body. One of the exercises from the book was for us to write down all of our fears about labour/birth/having a child. A few days prior to little bean's birth we individually wrote down all of these fears, then spent a few hours discussing them. We found it incredibly worthwhile as we were able to develop a better understanding of how we could best support each other. DH knew exactly how he should support me during my labour, so when my waters broke at 4.10am on December 18th we knew exactly what to do. The contractions started within 10 minutes and we realised we should phone the birthing centre. They told me to get some more sleep if I could and call back about 9am. I told DH to go back to sleep, but there was no way I could as my contractions were  already too regular and I was simply too alert. After showering I made myself comfortable in the lounge and with every contraction I leant forward over my birthing ball whilst using the breathing techniques I'd learnt. In between contractions I moved around the lounge using a variety methods I'd learnt at yoga. By 6.30am the contractions had grown in intensity and regularity (every 4-5 minutes), but I was still able breathe easily through them. I decided to get DH up and ready for action. By 10am they were now coming every 3-4 minutes and we decided it was time to make our way to the birthing unit. We arrived there at 10.30am and our midwife led us into the large private room where DH swiftly sorted out the music that I'd asked him to put together for labour. The midwife suggested that I go to the toilet and it was at this point that my contractions suddenly changed and I began making deep primal noises with every contraction that I had absolutely no control over! She asked me about pain relief, but I was quite content with my TENS machine. I told her I'd like to use the pool and she said that would be saved until last. She then asked if she could inspect me and was clearly surprised to see that I was already 8cm dilated, labour was progressing quickly. As soon as the pool was filled I stripped off and jumped in and I felt so relaxed. My contractions were incredibly intense, but I wouldn't describe them as painful. The noises I made were astounding, I had no idea that I had the lung capacity to create such sounds, but I ensured that they were the 'positive type noises' that I'd practised at yoga, that would keep my body relaxed. I was offered gas and air and finally decided to try it but didn't like it whilst in the pool (DH on the other hand took every sly opportunity he could to have a quick go). Being in the water and being able to squeeze DH's finger with every contraction was enough for me. I was feeling confident that a baby would soon be popping out into the water. After about 2 hours in the pool, the midwife told me that she was concerned that I was losing too much blood with my contractions and that she would need to call Gloucester and arrange for me to be transferred there. She was so calm about it that I just took it my stride and knew that it was out of my hands. Once out of the pool I soon realised that I needed the gas and air and TENS machine again. I felt so close to the birth that a small part of me thought I could push him out before the paramedics arrived, but they were very efficient and soon arrived with a trolley to wheel me down to the ambulance. 

I did not relish the idea of getting on the trolley and having to lie down. The only positions I was comfortable in was on all fours or squatting. The journey to Gloucester was bumpy and uncomfortable so I zoned out on the gas and air. As soon as we got to the delivery ward the staff started hooking me up to various pieces of equipment. They tried to attach an over the belly monitor for little bean, but it failed so they had to attached it to his scalp. My contractions still felt the same as they had done in Cheltenham, strong and regular. Within 10 minutes DH arrived and it was a relief having him by my side again. At some point an obstetrician came in to examine me. He started talking about all sorts of intervention and offered me an epidural. DH fulfilled his duties well and explained that I didn't want any intervention if it could be avoided. I can't now remember if it was the first or second examination that revealed I had an anterior cervical lip and I was told I was not allowed to push. This was so difficult as every fibre of my body was telling me to push, trying to resist the urge to push was both physically and mentally exhausting. I was told that I'd be examined again in an hour and I remember thinking how could I possibly keep this up for an hour. At the time I didn't fully understand why I couldn't push, but apparently I had to wait for the lip to come away on it's own as pushing was not going to help that, in fact pushing was going to make it swell up making delivery very difficult. After an hour and being inspected again I was told I could push again, so I was straight back on all fours pushing as hard as I could. However after just one contraction I was told 'sorry no pushing for another hour we'll be back to examine you then'. At this point I was starting to get upset as I felt like my labour was going backwards.The best position to control my body's urge to push was on my back, but I felt that was counter-productive to helping the labour progress and encouraging baby to make his way down the birth channel. DH and the midwife did a fantastic job at helping me remain calm and positive.  DH reassured me that every contraction was one closer to meeting our baby, so I was able to go with it. By this time my labour had been at the same point for about 6 hours, the same intensity and frequency of contractions and I was truly exhausted.

After just half an hour everything changed. The obstetrician was back, the team had been watching little bean's heart rate (they could do this without even being in the room) and were growing concerned. His heart rate was dropping too much with every contraction. I heard them talking about intervention and I looked at DH and said I was happy to go with anything now if it was for the safety of our baby. The obstetrician explained that they wanted to give me a spinal tap and deliver little bean by forceps, he said it wouldn't take long as baby was so close. Within 5 minutes DH had his scrubs on  and I was being wheeled into theatre. The spinal tap went in and as I lost all the sensation in my lower body I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. I didn't have to think or concentrate any more and I knew we'd be meeting our baby within minutes. The midwife told me that I was still having contractions but I wouldn't be able to feel them. However they would tell me when a contraction was coming and I had to push just like I had been. This was surreal. I had no idea whether I was actually pushing as I could feel nothing, but after the first contraction his head was out. The cord was wrapped twice around his neck so they had to untangle him. After the next contraction our little bean had become a fully fledged human and had entered the world. He was put on my chest and I cried, laughed and beamed with delight and joy. He was fairly rapidly whisked across to a little table where the paediatrician checked him over, DH went with him and all I could see was him staring at our little baby. We heard a short healthy cry, then he settled straight away. I remained where I was as they had had to give me an episiotomy so I was being stitched up. After a short time DH brought little bean across to me wrapped up in a blanked. We were wheeled into the recovery room where we spent the next few hours just staring at our perfect little baby and enjoying these first special moments as a new family. DH reminded me that we should be skin to skin and I should try him on a breast. I stripped off and he latched on straight away, he did it so naturally and he fed for over an hour. I was so impressed that we managed this without even being shown how to do it. Blissful.

To many people, the labour I went through may have felt like a traumatic ordeal. I've had a few comments of 'you poor thing' 'that must have been so scary' 'oh, how traumatic', but in all honesty it wasn't. I view my labour and birth as a completely positive experience. I really enjoyed my labouring experience in Cheltenham and I am proud of how well I did there, especially how I coped with no pain relief. I had already prepared myself for coping mentally with being transferred to Gloucester, so when it happened it wasn't an issue. There is a lot to be said for the power of positive thought. My natural tendency to put a positive slant on everything and the preparation I did with my yoga and hypnobirthing consolidated the positive mindset that I remained in throughout my whole labouring experience. I need to thank my husband for his wonderful support throughout and of course all of the NHS staff that have helped us to create and deliver this beautiful baby into the world.