Why do I want a baby?

I think, as many women do, that I have always assumed my life would follow a certain path; a happy marriage, a good job, a nice house and kids. Well, I've I achieved the first three, but 'kids' is where I've hit a stumbling block. My desire to get pregnant has grown, a lot, over the past four years. But why? I have no idea why I feel the need and want for a baby in our life. I have what I consider a perfect life, why on earth would I want to change that?! I love my life. I married my soul-mate and we have an incredible marriage, we enjoy every day we spend together and to this day we have never had an argument or even raised our voices to each other. We have our dog, essentially our baby who is more like a little pony (he weighs 35kg). Although he is 'only a dog' we love him dearly and he brings so much joy to our lives. He was not an easy puppy, far from it! Many of our friends, who have children themselves, have said to us that if we managed to cope with him, we'll find kids a breeze. I'd like to believe that.

So, back to my desire for a baby, or is it just the pregnancy I want? I have a mild obsession with pregnant bumps. I think they are beautiful and I have yearned for a bump of my own for years.I have to suppress the urge to stroke the bellies of expectant mothers I meet (I would only ever ask to feel the bump of a friend). From a young age I have always cooed around babies, I love children. Yet I still cannot explain why I want one of my own. The only thing I can put in down to is a natural maternal instinct, even if that does sound a bit clichéd.

What about Hubby though, how does he feel about children? In a nutshell he doesn't like babies and has never wanted to father one. However, before he proposed to me he knew and understood that marriage would include children, but we never really discussed it. I first started tentatively suggesting that we start trying (well stop trying not to) for a baby about three years ago. I do worry about Hubby. I feel very selfish and often question whether we should be doing this. I love him so much, so why am I forcing him to do this? But, he loves me so much that he wants to give me everything he can. I believe that the moment we have a baby, Hubby will discover his paternal instinct and will be a fantastic father. Friends and family often say 'it will be different when it's your own'. I hold on to this thought and I have to, anything else is unthinkable. What if he's not different, what if he doesn't want to hold his own baby, what if he ends up resenting me and the baby. These are fleeting thoughts and worries I have. However, he has strong values and morals and is such a decent man that he will always do right by his family.